Sheryl Sandberg’s and Adam Grant’s ‘Option B’ is one of the most absorbing, intense and inspiring books I’ve read lately. It’s not just a book about Sandberg’s loss and her story. In fact, I would say her being a public figure is completely irrelevant here – it’s a book about dealing with loss with an open mind and an open heart. It’s exactly what it says on the tin: learning to deal with adversity, building resilience and finding joy.

Loss comes in many shapes and forms, but it one thing is for sure: it doesn’t miss any of us. I for one have experienced it repeatedly and I would be naïve to think I won’t have to experience it again. This book is a great starting point to examining how we process loss, how we can get better at finding happiness with Option B (or C) AND it offers great insight into how to help others when they’re going through tough times. This book is  also an avalanche of raw emotions, and I saw it as a test of strength for the more cynical of us.

Here are my ‘ten to remember’ from the book, though there’s a lot more in there:

1. ‘Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B. ‘
2. ‘Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity – and we can build it. It isn’t about having a backbone, it’s about strengthening the muscles around our backbone.’
3. Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. Platinum Rule: treat others as they want to be treated.
4. Martin Seligman’s three Ps to recovery and building resilience – recognising that negative events aren’t Personal, Pervasive or Permanent.
5. ‘Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside of us. It comes from gratitude for what’s good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck. It comes from analyzing how we process grief and from simply accepting that grief. Sometimes we have less control than we think. Other times we have more.’
6. ‘Some things in live cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.’ Megan Devine
7. Their two key ‘Family rules’ – Respect our feelings & Forgiveness.
8. ‘Having fun is a form of self-compassion; just as we need to be kind to ourselves when we make mistakes, we also need to be kind to ourselves by enjoying life when we can. Tragedy breaks down your door and takes you prisoner. To escape takes effort and energy. Seeking joy after facing adversity is taking back what was stolen from you. ‘
9. ‘We don’t have to wait for special occasions to feel and show gratitude.’
10. ‘Turning feelings into words can help us process and overcome adversity.’